You buy a carâand instantly become the âHamster of the Entire Neighborhood,â the main character of the reality show âDuremar and His New Life.â
You snap your steel horse, toss it into stories, caption it âstarting a new life,â and genuinely imagine the Universe is done messing with you.
But for now the car is playing the role of the perfect son-in-law: doesnât fart, doesnât blink, doesnât ask why you still havenât paid off the loan and what itâs like to be just a human.
A week passes. Then another. Then there you are at the gas station, staring at the display like itâs futures quotes on an exchange. Every digit in the price per liter is like a slap from an ex. You donât fill up âto full,â you fill up âto not cry.â
And then comes the first ding: âAm I even an adult?
Why am I paying so my car can keep pretending to be a car?â
The main trick is that youâre not paying for âwoooah, awesome,â youâre paying for the absence of extreme sports.
For silence.
For nothing to happen.
Just like a streaming service where you run a black screen for a year and at the end: âThanks for not blowing up.â
Nextâ the service station.
That very âjust change the oilââcarve it into a black altar at the entrance.
Because the service station is a dream-disposal factory!
You hand over the keys, drink their boring coffee, scroll memes, and then the mechanic comes out.
A sphinx face, a surgeonâs voice: âI have two pieces of newsâŠâ
He takes his time. âWell, itâs just little stuffâŠâ
At this moment the universe falls into a black hole.
âBushings, pads, somethingâs leaking and thereâs a sound like âaaaaa,â not sure what, but better not wait.â
You nod like you get it, and mentally kiss your vacation goodbye.
The most disgusting thing isnât the price tag, itâs the timing.
Repairs donât show up when youâre king of the worldâthey show up like the tax office: the week before vacation, before Lviv, before New Yearâs, or right after the mortgage, the dentist, and the internet bills.
A psychic car that nails your most vulnerable moment to switch on âIâm a vibratorâ mode.
Nextâinsurance.
The basic oneâyou pay and feel like a refrigerator.
The optional oneâyou pay so you can sleep without nightmares about the price of a fender, a headlight, and âgeometry is out.â
Insurance is financial yoga: you pay so nothing happens, and if it does happenâso you donât die from the expenses. Well then⊠meditate on that.
Then come the âlittle things.â
Tires, tire service, balancing, car wash (itâs embarrassing!), wipers-turned-into-gothic-art, a bulb, parking, a fine (âI was just for a minute!â). A bit here, a bit thereâŠ
And thenâbamâand your life is an Excel sheet for suffering.
You add it all up by line item: fuel, repairs, insurance, fines, this âcrap.â You look at the total and realize: youâre not an owner, youâre an investorâjust without profit and with a victim complex.
And then a kamikaze thought creeps up: âMaybe I donât need a car at all?â
Not in the sense of âI hate cars,â but in the sense of âI want the feature, just not this eternal subscription to pain.â
Because if the car sometimes sits, if you donât want to think âwhatâs that new sound,â owning it is like buying a treadmill to dry socks on it.
Sometimes itâs easier to rent: for the weekend, for âneed to go,â for the episode âIâm an adult, but not an idiot.â
Rental isnât âfor bums,â itâs a way to live without a subscription to tragedy, repairs, and tantrums.
If youâre reading this right now and nodding, check CAR2DRIVE: https://car2drive.ua
Itâs like a car, just without a mechanic with a âjust little stuffâ face and without karmic light bulbs.
Bottom line: a car in Ukraine is funâuntil you imagine it costs only on the day you buy it.
If you treat it like a lifetime subscription with a âsurprise!â bonusâyouâll sleep better.
And if youâre hoping âhow much can it really cost,â life itself will set you up with a financial literacy quest.
At the service station. No discounts. On the most inconvenient day of the week.
